Forever Scarred
by Emo Bangs
Summary: Carlos watched his friend's life completely fall apart and is still recovering from losing a friend. His violent, gang lifestyle didn't make it any easier. But when he meets the innocent new boy, Logan, all that just might change. Cargan, past Kames.
1. Chapter 1

**Rating: M, for swearing, violence and possible sexual situations**  
**Pairing: Cargan, past Kames**  
**Warnings: Violence, past character death**  
**Notes: I am so in love with gang related fics and I am totally excited to start writing this. It's been in my brain and half on paper for the longest time and I just recently fell back into love with it and started writing it again. I really shouldn't be starting another multi-chapter fic but I just can't help it. Let me know what you guys think.**  
**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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* * *

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_2am. He sat in the waiting room, witn__essing sheer destruction. Happiness, love, life quickly and violently vanished, fading as each tense, anxiety-filled minute passed. His heart thudded in his chest, racing from the adrenaline, worry, fear. This swirl of emotion spun around him like a tornado, destroying everything and everyone in its reach._

_A blood-covered hand against the white of the gurney turned his stomach and rose the bile in his throat. His best friends screaming deafened his ears and shattered his heart. He dare not look over there; he knew he couldn't handle the sight of his friend's life come crumbling down around him. He was just a spectator to this gruesome event and even he was forever scarred. _

Carlos woke up to the surprisingly unstartling sound of gunshots. The noise used to terrify him, making him particularly jumpy but now it was just another background noise, a soundtrack to his life. He didn't bother to further investigate these gunshots. It was such an often occurrence that it eventually became exhausting to try and keep track.

He rolled out of bed with a lethargic groan and stumbled off to the bathroom for a shower. It was typically only a five minute task but it was the one thing that seemed to actually wake him up in the morning. Maybe it was the cool water hitting his skin that physically made him feel more awake or perhaps it was the time (however short) it gave him to think. Think about anything and everything while he had a few quiet, peaceful minutes to himself.

He dried off and wrapped the towel around his waist, returning to his room. His eyes scanned across the floor, scoping it out. He sighed in annoyance, setting out to find something that was relatively clean to wear. After picking up and sniffing a few that could probably be smelt across the room, he finally found a shirt and jeans that would suffice. Green wasn't his favorite color and the multiple tears and holes in his jeans were probably against dresscode (considering the size and location of some) but they would just have to do.

He grabbed his backpack and headed downstairs, finding the reason for the dead silence within his home. He snatched the note off the fridge and read it: _working a double shift today. won't be home til late. should be something in the fridge you can make for dinner. love you. mom_

He tried to ignore the pang of loneliness that pierced his heart. He wasn't sure why he still always reacted this way; he was alone almost every day of the week. His mom's job wasn't exactly a high paying one so she had to work insane hours at two different jobs to compensate for that and be able to afford life essentials.

He did what he could to help but it typically didn't amount to much. He was constantly looking for a job though no one seemed to want to hire a kid like him. It was frustrating but he turned to other methods to get what he wanted, what he needed. Things that were helpful to his mom but she would be devastated if she knew he was doing them on a semi-regular basis.

He shoved all these thoughts and feelings aside, grabbing an apple out of the fridge for breakfast and running out the door to catch the bus. He made his way towards the middle of the bus, finding an empty seat. He hated sitting in the back, where all the hardcore delinquents sat and he preferred not to be associated with them more than necessary. A myriad of illegal activities took place back there: the kids smoked back there almost daily (the bus driver just ignored the obvious smell), multiple stabbings occurred and a handful of oral sex stories were rumored. Carlos didn't necessarily believe every single story but he still didn't want to get caught up in that kind of stuff.

Despite his unfortunate location in the city's most violent neighborhood, notorious for stabbings/shootings, Carlos tried to keep his head above water and not give in to all the gang related crap but he was already neck deep and it was getting harder and harder to stay above water. He would've liked to say that he was a good kid and never did anything wrong but he knew that there wasn't an ounce of truth to that. He did a lot of things he wasn't proud of, things he never wanted to mention again but ones he'd inevitably end up doing again. Carlos insisted it was purely for survival purposes, taking part in things that were only essential to his quality of living and that made him feel a little better about all the horrible things that he did.

But due to certain circumstances, he really couldn't help it. He didn't want to be judged for where he came from or what he did to help his family but it was slowly becoming who he was. He spent the bus ride eating his apple and wondering what joys he would experience at school that day.

* * *

Normally, Logan loved school. He was one of those rare few that genuinely enjoyed it. There was just something so calming and familiar about it. No matter how many times he moved or how many things changed in his life, school was always the same. but this time, it was different.

He approached the doors to his new high school, sudden outrage flooding his system. His eyes widened in horrified shock as he noticed the metal detectors at the doors, students passing through them like it was nothing. Logan wasn't sure how these students could be so calm passing through the metal detectors. Beside the detectors stood a few policemen, ushering the kids along. Logan wasn't sure whether that made him feel safe or not.

When he arrived at school that morning, after easily passing through the metal detectors (ignoring how shocked the policemen seemed at his lack of weapons), he couldn't help the overwhelming fear and anxiety that washed over him, replacing the usual serene, content he felt at an educational facility. Instead of lockers, books, classes and materials, he was worried about all of the people who looked like they could and wanted to kill him.

He found himself mildly confused (a state he wasn't too familiar with); none of his previous schools were like this. They all consisted of preppy, rich kids (not completely unlike himself) who enjoyed social gatherings and high-end dinners. Despite being extremely snobby, those kids weren't any real threats. He always felt safe at those schools but this was a completely new experience. His eyes scanned all down the halls, noting the diversity. Almost everyone had one common trait though, they all looked intimidating and menacing. He gulped and began walking down the halls, wondering what, if any, joys he'd experience that day.

* * *

Classes sucked, more so than usual, Carlos thought as he sat in his English class, staring out the window absentmindedly. He was consumed in his thoughts and thus, ironically, couldn't focus on his schoolwork. That was the last thing he was concerned with, if his failing grade in almost every class was any indication. Stressing out and working hard to complete and excel at school didn't seem worth it; he had enough baggage to drag around.

He was so detached from reality that he didn't register his teacher's irritated yelling until the man was standing right in front of him, snapping his fingers in front of his face.

"Mr. Garcia," he spoke condescendingly. "I know it's nearly impossible for someone of your intelligence to focus but for god's sake, at least _pretend _like you're not completely incompetent. Even _you _can do that."

Carlos couldn't stand his rude, pretentious teacher or his classmates lowly snickering. He was already fed up and pissed off; he already met his bullshit quota for the day. Today was just not the day to get on his last nerve.

"Fuck you," he muttered calmly, gaze still focused distantly out the window.

"_What _was that?" his teacher snarled.

"Oh I'm sorry," Carlos spoke up this time, voice edgy with annoyance. "Are you fucking deaf? Then let me repeat myself." He wore a slight smirk as he yelled once again. "Fuck you!"

The class gasped in shock, watching intently as the teacher's face contorted in a mixture of outrage and anger. "Detention!" he shouted. "Room 20-"

"Yeah, yeah. I know what room its in," he interrupted dismissively, grabbing his backpack and then the slip his teacher shoved at him.

He sighed, slowly making his way across campus to the designated classroom. He handed the slip to the supervisor, who met him with a slight smile. "What brings you in today Carlos?"

He shrugged, taking a seat at the first available seat. "The usual."

"Which usual?" the woman asked with a chuckle. "Swearing, violence, blatant disrespect..."

"Pick your favorite," Carlos replied, resting his head on his desk. He liked Mrs. Harrison; she seemed to be the only teacher who saw past all the trouble he caused and didn't judge him for it. She was also extremely laid back; she didn't care if he followed the rules. She let them do whatever as long as it wasn't disruptive. Carlos typically choose to catch up on sleep rather than school work. There wasn't a point when he was so behind anyways. He closed his eyes and drifted to sleep doing what he did best. Dream.

* * *

All of his anxiety and fear from earlier quickly dissolved when he stepped foot into his advanced math class. It was the one sense of familiarity he had felt all day. It was also the first time he hadn't been scared out of his mind, that he felt secure and in control. That's why he loved math; it was consistent and never changed, much unlike his own life.

For once, he felt at home in the new town. He happily walked across the classroom to introduce himself as the new kid. The older man congratulated him sarcastically, demanding he take a seat. Wide-eyed and terrified, Logan did just that, silently sitting down in the first row, hoping the Satan-esque teacher didn't ruin his one escape.

* * *

_Sorrow surrounded him as he stood on the soaked ground, silent and stoic. The air was thick with depression and one breath left him suffocated. His red, tear filled eyes peered around at all the sad faces, contorted with grief and wet with tears. He didn't know how to feel because he felt **every**thing. Anger, sorrow, disbelief._

_There he was and he still couldn't believe/accept it. The sad words washed over him and affected him so deeply, causing an aching pain to stab at his heart. He stole a glance at his best friend; he was staring at the scene, tears pouring down his cheeks, chest shaking with broken sobs. He couldn't imagine what he was going through. He was only experiencing a fraction of what his friend was and he felt like his world was completely interrupted. The other's world must've completely stopped. He hoped he would never have to endure that same pain._

_

* * *

_

Logan, for the second time that day, was thoroughly confused. He was a good kid, always happy to help out. But he couldn't help but question, as he roamed the halls aimlessly, why the teacher would send the new kid, across campus on his very first day to retrieve supplies from another teacher. He walked and walked, lost but too shy to ask anyone for help. Twenty minutes (at least) must've passed before he finally found his destination. He opened the door and walked in quietly, expecting/dreading everyone's eyes to be all over him. He was surprised to discover that no one was staring him down; no one seemed to care even the slightest, one kid was even sleeping. He wondered how the teacher could tolerate such blatant disrespect.

"Sorry, am I interrupting your class?" he asked, hesitantly approaching her desk.

"Oh no sweetie, this is just detention," she replied kindly. Logan's shock must've shown through because the young woman was chuckling lowly. "I know, I _love _that they use my math class for detention."

"Seems fitting though."

Logan turned around to see the sleeping kid was awake now to offer a snarky remark.

"No offense."

"Very funny Carlos," the teacher quipped, "So who sent you for what?"

"Mr. Johnson said you have some advanced calculus textbooks we could borrow," he answered.

"How many?"

"Well there's only 17 kids in the class," Logan chuckled awkwardly.

The teacher got up from her desk walking over to the cabinets. She opened one and crouched down, searching for the designated books. "Carlos!"

"What?" he questioned shortly, eyes focused on his unsteady, well broken in desk as his pencil scribbled across the worn, cracked surface.

"Erase it and get over here," Mrs. Harrison demanded in a knowing tone, without even turning around.

Logan's eyes widened a little in shock, watching as the boy in question grumbled and flipped his pencil around, rubbing his eraser against the desk surface. This woman was _good. _

Carlos sighed and stood up, deciding that he was in detention far too often. He trudged, somewhat reluctantly to where the other two were standing. Despite his less than willing attitude in the first place, Carlos had to admit this kid was kind of cute. He had a distinct innocence that not many in the area possessed. It wasn't _just _his appearance either; the way he carried himself, his over-expressive nature, the fact that he was in advanced calculus screamed obliviously innocent. This kid _had _to be new.

Carlos prided himself on his ability to read people, a gift acquired over the years and he could tell this boy was absolutely petrified. He couldn't say he blamed him; he would be terrified too if he was short little white boy in an equally diverse school where gang violence was rampant. Though he tried his hardest to stay away from all the violence (which was nearly impossible in his neighborhood), he was still extremely grateful for certain qualities of his that, in a sense, saved him from a lot of torment and ridicule. His Latino ethnicity and his myriad of tattoos painted on a facade of toughness kept him safe.

Though that was not to say he couldn't hold his own because he could (and win) his own battles. He often times had to, just to survive around these parts. Luckily, he wasn't completely alone; his best friend, Kendall, had his back.

He shook all this analyzation out of his head because it wasn't like him anyways. A solid weight dropping into his arms brought him back to reality and he peered down at the stack of textbooks he was now holding, face contorting in disinterest. His nose scrunched up in distaste.

"No thanks," he replied instantly, unable to stop these words. His hatred towards math was more than obvious but he honestly didn't care who knew because by now everyone did.

"Help Mr. Mitchell carry these back to his classroom, then come _right back_," Mrs. Harrison instructed, stacking a few more books onto his pile. He grunted at the extra weight but wasn't fazed by it, due to all the extra gym time he endured to improve his strength in case he got in any particularly nasty fights. It never hurt to be prepared, especially in a school with metal detectors at the front doors and policemen roaming the halls. Sure, inside the school was pretty safe but everywhere was fair game. He felt this was prime information for the new boy but he had a feeling the kid had no business out back of the school.

The ten advanced calculus books he was carrying made the fact that this kid was unbelievably intelligent _very _apparent and, because of this, he was hesitant to question the boy's path but they were passing the library for the fifth. He would've thought a kid enrolled in such smart classes would know where the library was. It must be his _very _first day.

"What room are these going to?" he asked lightly. He didn't want to offend the new kid but he had a feeling they'd wonder around forever if he didn't say something now.

"437," he replied timidly.

Carlos would be lying if he said the other's sweet shyness didn't bring a smile to his face. "That," he declared, spinning around and walking the other direction. "is the other way." The Latino smiled to himself as the kid quickly followed after him, almost like a little lost puppy.

* * *

By the time lunch rolled around, which signaled he was _only _halfway through the day, Logan _really _wanted to go home. He'd never felt so alienated and out of place before, especially at school. These education facilities were always a sanctuary for him, a safe haven of sorts. His old school was nothing like this; they had strict uniforms (parts of which he still wore), strongly enforced rules (most of which he felt were appropriate to follow all the time) and excellent academics.

This school had a very loose dress code (or maybe no one cared to reprimand the girls who exposed _way _too much of _every_thing nor the guys who were sporting sagging pants as well as violent, offensive shirts), no rules to enforce (the only enforcement there was the law enforcement) and academics were obviously _not _a priority (if the idiots in his normal classes were any indication). Honestly he was surprised the school had any advanced classes at all. Granted he was enrolled in the only two; his calculus class and college level physics class, both of which were necessary pre-med classes.

He sighed; how did his mom expect him to succeed and become a highly esteemed doctor while attending a school like this? Now more than ever, he was questioning his mom's decision to uproot them here to Minnesota of all places. Not only did LA hold many opportunities for him, the weather there was actually meant for humans. Under his multiple layers, he was _still _ freezing in the Minnesota cold. After he was unable to locate a safe seat inside, he settled for a table in the outside courtyard. _Alone, _like he was used to.

He was biting into his wholegrain turkey sandwich when, much to his surprise, someone was sitting on the bench beside him. He looked up, wiping a smudge of mayo from his lip, as he recognized it to be the kid from earlier. Swallowing his bite, he was about to ask what the other wanted when he was beat to it.

"You gonna finish that?" he asked, gesturing towards the other half of his sandwich.

Logan shook his head gently. "No. Go for it," he muttered, taking another bite of his own half. He was absolutely shocked to see the other boy wearing just a thin long sleeve shirt. How was he not freezing to death?

"Why're you sitting outside?"

Logan was slightly confused why the poorly dressed boy was question his location outside. "Because everyone inside looks like they could kill me," he answered meekly, finishing the last bite of his sandwich.

The most worrisome fact was the other's simple shrug and reply of, "Touche."

He took a bite of his apple, willing his sudden apprehension away. He was already nervous; he didn't need reassurance that everyone at this school could kill him.

"So what're you doin' here?"

"Going to school," Logan replied slowly as if it were the most obvious thing in the world because what else would he be doing here, at school.

The Latino boy chuckled, shaking his head. "I meant in Minnesota."

"Oh," Logan whispered, cheeks flushing in embarrassed realization. "Honestly? I don't even know why. My mom said it was a great job opportunity for her. But I don't see how taking a doctor position at a hospital in _Minnesota _is a great opportunity..."

"Your mom's a doctor?"

Logan nodded.

Carlos cringed. If this kid's mom was a doctor, then they were certainly pretty well off, probably fairly rich. That was dangerous around these parts; he knew this first hand. Rich kids were like bait to the greedy, aggressive predators of this school. And with such a sweet innocence, this boy would be eaten alive. Carlos already felt a strong urge to protect this boy. It was fairly obvious the other couldn't do it himself; despite being extremely cute, his purity and lack of muscle wouldn't help the least bit in a fight. This school was notorious for those.

"Being a rich kid around here will get you fucked up or mugged," Carlos seemed to notice his wide-eyed, horrified expression. "For your own safety, you should probably hang with me. I can protect you." The boy's lips were just about to curl into a smirk when a tall blond boy interrupted, taking a seat beside the shorter Latino boy.

* * *

Kendall sighed irritatedly, glancing around the cafeteria to locate his best friend. After searching the cafeteria to no avail, his eyes drifted to the side, noticing his friend sitting outside with the new kid who was in his gym class. He watched the two for a second, observing their casual conversation and how the new kid bit his lip and _blushed. _Kendall felt a strange anxiety rush over him that, for a second, he couldn't place.

Then it hit him; this had heartbreak written all over it. Nevertheless, he went out there, more than a little curious about the situation. His teeth chattered at the cold air as he rubbed his gloved hands together, trying to regain some of their warmth. He smiled as he sat down next to his friend.

"Hey Kendall," Carlos chirped. "Logan here is rich so I told him we'd protect him."

Kendall felt a deep pang in his heart. He felt almost like someone had knocked the air right from his lungs. _Rich. Protect him. _He had to shake the vivid image of his sweet brunette out of his mind. It hadn't even been a year yet and it still hurt like hell. Some would call it denial but it was self preservation; he knew what a single thought of the brunette would do to him and he couldn't put himself through that agony again (he'd already endured it a total of five times that day so far).

Logan tried to ignore the way this stranger's eyes darkened with a morbid knowledge. He could easily sense there was something wrong; he'd always been extremely perceptive. But he didn't even need intuitive perception to see the deep sorrow the other felt. Despite his nagging curiosity, he knew it was not an appropriate time or matter to discuss. Granted, he had just met these two but he often found himself pondering people's stories and this was no exception.

He watched only mildly confused as the blond shook his head and abruptly got up, storming away. The weirdest part was that Carlos wasn't even phased by it at all. Logan found he didn't have time to think about it as the ending bell signaled and their next class would start in five minutes. Slinging his backpack over his shoulder, the brunette gathered his trash, throwing it away in the garbage can inside.

Stealing a glance left then right, he reached into his backpack pocket to retrieve his schedule to check his next class' room number. Panic rushed over him as he began to frantically search the pocket, unable to find his schedule. How did he lose it? He was so careful and meticulous about these sort of things; there was no way...

That's when the anxiety set in. If he didn't have his schedule and he couldn't figure out where his class was, he would surely be late and then it would go on his permanent record and he'd have a black mark on his record forever to follow him everywhere. He could feel the strain to bring air into his lungs and no amount of breathing exercises could help his heaving chest.

Just then, the Latino boy, his forced acquaintance, popped up beside him, reading a folded white piece of paper. "Cool, you have choir with me and Kendall now," Carlos commented casually.

Logan's eyes went wide in realization and he snatched his schedule back. "How'd you get that?"

Carlos shrugged. "Took it."

"When?" his face contorted in shock and horror.

"Right before you got up," the other boy answered honestly. He didn't seem to be affected by Logan's disbelief.

"Let me lead the way to class!"

"Only if you promise not to steal anything else," Logan murmured bitterly, unknowingly pouting.

Carlos chuckled and smiled, bouncing ahead of the smart boy, wondering if this rule applied to his heart as well. "I can't promise anything."

* * *

Logan was pleased when he got to class, perfectly on time. But he wasn't sure how to feel about having a class with Carlos. The other boy was extremely talkative. He never seemed to stop talking; it was like there was no filter between his brain and his mouth. It made it really hard to concentrate.

Granted, it was only choir but he really didn't want to get in trouble. That wasn't something he did frequently or ever. Well, there was that one time in health class when he ran out of calss without permission during a video about the miracle of birth. It was unexpectedly graphic and, despite his desire to one day become a doctor, it was just too much to handle for the then sophomore.

Even though no one was paying attention or being respectful, Logan was not about to go down the delinquent path (even though about 93% of the school was already down that path). On that note, Logan noticed Carlos' friend wasn't in class. Was he skipping? Considering the school's record, he wouldn't be surprised; half the class was probably skipping right now.

Logan shook all these thoughts out of his head, forcing himself to pay attention and, for once, not thinking at all, per his teacher's suggestion. Because singing didn't require thinking, it required feeling, something he was entirely not used to.

Ecstatic didn't even begin to cover it as he exited his last period of the day. He never thought he'd ever be so happy to get out of school and now he was practically running for the door. Though, he was not particularly looking forward to riding the bus home that afternoon. Considering how much fun school had been, a bus full of these kids would make for a delightful ride. His excitement to get out of school (for once) and his apprehension about the bus ride both vanished simultaneously at the sight of all the buses pulling out of the parking lot.

"Crap," he sighed, throwing his arms up in the air exasperatedly. Now, instead of worrying about the delinquents bus, he had to worry about how he was going to get home. His mom was in the middle of surgery and wouldn't be out for another three hours so that was out of the question. He contemplated just walking home because it couldn't take that long but it was numbingly cold out and Logan really didn't want to walk home in that. He found he was slowly running out of options. He was about to settle with waiting three hours for his mom in the library when a vaguely familar voice called out to him.

"Hey shorty."

He turned around, an irritated frown on his face; he was short, he knew that. He didn't need to be reminded, especially by someone barely a few inches taller than himself. There was that boy again, the Latino, Carlos, who'd been following him around all day. He wasn't particularly sure if he considered this boy a friend. Sure, he seemed nice but he was a little weary of the vast amounts of ink covering his carmel skin.

He was raised to be very open-minded and judging others wasn't in his nature. But, in this town, tattoos seemed to represent danger and rebellion. And this boy had enough to scare his entire hometown and LA was _not _a small town. The multicolored inks were scattered all across his collarbone, a few trailing up the sides of his neck. Logan was unsure why anyone would get tattoos there or anywhere for that matter. They were permanent, under your skin forever and many jobs looked down on things like that.

Despite this, he was intrigued, finding his eyes lingering on the visible tattoos and wondering if he had any more. He mentally snapped himself out of it, finding these thoughts were too foreign to him. He'd had thoughts about guys before; he'd come to terms with that years ago. His mom even knew and accepted him for it. It was the fact he was having these thoughts, however small, about a boy like this; this guy definitely wasn't his usual type.

His thoughts (the rare occasion they were focused on anything but academics) were occupied with those much like himself, smart, driven, hard-working. Not some tattooed boy he met in detention. _That _his mom wouldn't approve of. He couldn't imagine that conversation then found he didn't want to.

"What?" he snapped, thinking that he probably could've been a lot nicer but he was tired adn disappointed and just wanted to go home but now he didn't even get to do that.

"You miss your ride or somethin'?"

"Yeah," Logan whispered, cheeks flushed in embarrassment despite the cold weather.

"I'm sure Kendall could drive you home," he volunteered, gesturing over to his friend, standing in the distance.

Logan turned his head, eyes landing on said boy. He was leaning against a tree, lit cigarette tucked between his lips. His face scrunched up in disgust. His mom was a doctor; she'd shown him firsthand how dangerous smoking was and what it did to your body. He vowed right then and there that he would never smoke in his life. He was confused why anyone did it.

Part of him wanted to decline that offer so bad and just wait in the library for his mom but his desire to go straight home insisted different. Before he could express his decision, Carlos was gripping his wrist, dragging him over to the other boy. He held his breath, not wanting any of that disgusting smoke in his lungs. Luckily, neither boy seemed to notice.

"Hey Kendall," the Latino called, seemingly unaffected by the smoke thick in the air. "Can you give Logan a ride home? He missed his."

The boy shrugged and stomped out his cigarette. "Sure."

Logan let out the breath he'd been holding and inhaled deeply, relishing the feel of clean air in his lungs as he followed the two boys over to a black ford mustang. He slid in the backseat while the other two slid up front. He was pleasantly surprised at the lack of smokey smell in the car. Once his seat belt was buckled, his eyes focused forward, falling on a picture taped to the dashboard.

It was of a boy, who looked to be around their own age. He had soft brown hair swept to the side and chocolate brown eyes. The sun was shining brightly behind him but even that wasn't as radiant as the boy's smile. The boy was flashing the camera a big, wide smile that possessed such a giddy happiness that he'd never seen before.

His natural curiosity got the best of him and he was just about to ask who the boy in the picture was when the driver interrupted this thought to ask for directions. Logan gave them idly, staring out the window and reflecting on an interesting first day.


	2. Chapter 2

Warnings: Violence, past character death  
Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
Notes: Kinda short. Can't wait until the next few chapters, it'll start going in depth with the whole storyline (including a lot of Kames angst which I'm excited to write) Let me know what you guys think.

* * *

_He had never seen such a breathtaking beauty in his entire life. It literally left him breathless, speechless, thoughtless. His soft, brown hair swept to the side, his sparkling brown eyes, his tall muscular figure. But perhaps the most captivating feature on the other boy was his radiant smile that seemed to instantly brighten up the room, immediately brightening his world. In his world of gloom and despair, this guy was like a diamond, shining so bright. _

_His pure innocence was refreshing compared to this school full of delinquents. His eyes roamed over the bare skin of his arms, noting the distinct lack of ink adorning that flesh and the drastic contrast to the rest of the student body, himself included. And that's how he knew, if he didn't talk to this guy right then and there, his life would never feel complete again. _

"_Should I ask him out?" he leaned over to ask his friend who clearly wasn't as focused on this beauty as he was. _

_The Latino glanced over to where he was staring and then back at his friend. "I don't know," he answered, slightly hesitant. "He looks like he's way too good for you."_

"_I know," he murmured with a contradicting smirk that displayed no ounce of self-doubt. His inadequacy compared to this guy didn't mean a thing to him; nothing was going to get in the way of talking to this beautiful stranger. _

_He walked confidently over to the table the other boy was sitting at and slid down on the bench beside him. "You are too damn beautiful to be at a school like this," he said suavely, smugness still tugging at his lips. Kendall would never forget that moment when the soon-to-be love of his life looked over and smiled at him for the first time._

_

* * *

_

Reality came like a harsh wake up call, disrupting his perfect dream. The deep ache in his chest returned, intensifying almost unbearably so. He let out a heavy sigh, leaning forward, cradling his head in his hands. Running a hand through his messy hair, he stood up, slowly walking over to his window. He ignored all the memories that flooded his mind at the view outside his window. He was more than appreciative of the text he received just then, effectively interrupting his morbid thoughts. Grabbing his phone and cigarettes, he shrugged on his jacket and went out to his front porch. He sat on the first step, lighting up a cigarette and opening his most recent text.

New message from Carlos:  
_Hey man. You doin ok? seemed kinda down_

He inhaled deeply letting the relaxing smoke settle in his lungs as he typed out a response.

Message sent:  
_just the usual_

New message from Carlos:  
_need me to come over?_

Message sent:  
_if you wanna. im watching katie and my mom ordered pizza_

New message from Carlos  
_over in ten_

_

* * *

_

Carlos knew what it was; he knew exactly what it was. Ten months and he was well rehearsed in the usual. It'd become a routine for his friend; it was more than that though. It was a way of life, how his friend lived these days and he knew it was becoming increasingly unhealthy each passing day.

Kendall was still grieving and he understood that but he also knew that James wouldn't want Kendall to live like this, in a constant state of mourning. He would want Kendall to be happy but, without James, Kendall could never be truly happy again. That was the power of their love; it was amazing when they were together but heart breaking when they were apart.

Unfortunately, the latter was how it would be for the rest of Kendall's life. Carlos wouldn't wrap his head around such a concept. It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. From what he observed, this didn't seem true. The pain of losing a loved one seemed far more severe than never having that person in the first place. He had never felt a love like that and after witnessing its effect on his friend's life, he wasn't sure he ever wanted to.

* * *

The dead silence hanging in the air was deafening. Not a single sound could be heard throughout the entire two story house. At his desk in his room, he had spent the past three hours working on all his schoolwork for the day. Spinning around in his chair, he took a quick break, glancing around his room. He still had a bit of unpacking to do. Deciding that was less painful than 3 pages of equations to balance, he stood up, opening the box at the top of the stack.

His fingers grazed over the smooth glass encasing a beautiful color photograph of his family. He was a baby in the picture, only a month old as scribbled on the back of the Polaroid. He was cradled in his mom's arms and she looked exhausted but was smiling nonetheless. His dad was beside her a matching grin on his face as he leaned down, tickling his chubby baby cheeks. The picture caught him mid-giggle and captured a perfectly happy moment for the family. Little did any of them know that would be one of the last happy times they would share.

Before the telltale wave of nostalgia could crash over him, his vibrating phone stole his attention. He flipped it open, reading the quick text from his mom. Sighing dejectedly (his mom had texted to let him know she had _another _surgery and wouldn't be home until late), he set the picture on his nightstand, glancing at the digital clock sitting there. It was just after six and he figured he should grab something to eat for dinner.

He was about to head downstairs when his phone vibrated again. Part of him wanted to ignore it (probably just his mom again saying she'd be even later) but he went to retrieve it anyways. It was from a number he didn't recognize, which made him a little more than hesitant to open it. He took a deep breath and pressed open.

* * *

Carlos wondered why, after a mere day of knowing this boy, he could make him smile so easily. Granted, the smart boy probably didn't intend to do so, especially not with his harsh texts. But the alarmed way he replied to his casual text was endearing, how easily the boy was frightened. If only he knew that this would be the least of his problems in this town.

He glanced up at the clerk behind the counter, who wasn't paying any attention _at all. _After grabbing what he needed, he inconspicuously left the convenience store. He didn't feel the rush he used to at the beginning; the first few times were terrifying and exhilarating but it soon became so normal that he didn't feel _any_thing anymore; it was just a way of life, _his _way of life.

* * *

Kendall's heart ached, as it did every time, when he pulled out his phone after feeling it vibrate in his pocket. The picture for his background always had this effect on him but he knew he never would, never could change it. That would hurt more than all the memories tied to it that came rushing back to him.

It was roughly a year after they started dating, a year after he fell in love with James' dazzling smile and sparkling eyes. He was holding the phone, his other arm wrapped securely around James' waist, holding the brunette flush against him. James had the biggest smile on his face while Kendall's lips were pressed against his rosy cheek.

He ached to be in that position again, holding the love of his life in his arms once again. The pain he felt when he realized, for the millionth time, that he'd _never _be able to do that again was suffocating, leaving him breathless. He quickly opened the text, cutting off his suffering.

New message from Carlos:  
_dude open your door. ive been knocking for 5 minutes_

Shaking his head, he stood from the couch, throwing his phone carelessly onto it. He made his way to the door, swinging it open and nodding in acknowledgment at his friend.

"Dude! You'll never guess who I ran into on my way here!" the Latino exclaimed as he bounced into the living room. "Drake Ramirez! He looked like he was gonna piss himself when he saw me!" He purposefully left out running into the new kid while he was out too. He could tell how Kendall felt about that just from their earlier meeting at lunch. Kendall had a hard time letting anyone new into his life these days.

"Yeah?" he questioned numbly, "What's that little shit up to?"

Carlos shrugged, setting the chips and sodas he brought on the table. "Didn't really stay long enough to chat."

"Figures," Kendall muttered, "Kid was always a fucking coward."

"No doubt," the Latino mumbled in agreement, plopping down on the couch. "You need to talk about anything?"

Kendall sighed; he knew his friend meant well but there was only so much that could be said and he felt it had already been said multiple times. "Just the usual Carlos," his whisper was slightly strained with choked emotion. "It's always the usual, always gonna be the usual."

"It'll get better someday," Carlos assured him, comfortingly patting his friend's shoulder.

"Promise?" Kendall asked with such a devastating hope in his voice that it nearly broken Carlos' heart. Carlos wanted so bad to promise just that but he wasn't sure it was one he could keep.

* * *

Logan prided himself on his higher than most intelligence. This, however, was not one of those proud moments. He was _extremely _book smart but unfortunately lacked any street smarts, which is what counted most right now as he walked down the dimply lit street to the store. It had seemed like a good idea when he was peering into an empty fridge but now as he was turning the street corner and _praying _he didn't get jumped or mugged (like Carlos had mentioned), he was starting to realize what an insanely stupid idea it was truly was.

He quickened his step, looking forward to the sanctuary of the grocery store. Just a few more steps through the parking lot and he was home free. Well, at least until he had to walk back home. He was so focused on the light of the store's entrance that he didn't even notice the figure approaching behind him.

The only alert he got was a pair of strong arms wrapping around his waist, lifting him off the ground. He couldn't stop the scream of fear he emitted or the frantic kicking off his legs in a desperate attempt to escape. After barely a second of effort, his capture's grip loosened and Logan flung himself away.

"Woah, woah, woah! Shorty, calm down," a familiar voice called.

By the time Logan finally got his senses back and fear stopped flashing white before his eyes, the smart boy realized who the other person was. It wasn't a mugger or thug intending to "pop a cap in his ass" (whatever that meant); it was just Carlos.

"Carlos!" he exclaimed, trying to calm his still racing heart. "You can't just do that!"

"And _you _can't just be walkin' 'round these parts at night," the Latino returned, "You'll run into someone a lot scarier than me."

"I'm starting to realize that now," Logan muttered, turning to walk towards the store again.

"Allow me to escort you!" Carlos proclaimed, jogging to catch up with the other boy.

Logan wordlessly agreed because he was more than a little scared and there was something about Carlos that made him feel safe.

* * *

Logan was more than appreciative as Carlos walked him home from the store, even more so when the Latino insisted on carrying his bags. He had been extremely frightened; he would never admit it but he wouldn't deny it if asked. Maybe it was his wide expanse of inked skin or that he actually knew his way around this town but Logan felt safe when Carlos was around, like _nothing _could or would hurt him. It was the first time that whole day he had felt this way. If this was the case, he just might have to stick around the Latino. With the way Carlos stuck to him, he didn't think he'd really have to worry.

Carlos wondered if this was how it felt falling in love. He knew it was crazy; after all, he'd known this boy for less than a day but he couldn't help but get butterflies whenever Logan looked at him, his innocence etched into his soft brown eyes. He remembered the first time Kendall confessed that he was in love with James.

_It was a Friday night and he was absolutely exhausted, more than looking forward to going straight to bed. He'd spent all afternoon scoping out the neighborhood by shoveling the entire street's driveways per Kendall's instruction. It was a waste considering if was a dead day for any activity. The only good thing to come of this was the decent wad of cash he earned. Too bad that money would have to go to paying the month's rent. _

_These thoughts were interrupted as his door to his room opened. He opened his eyes and glanced up, noticing his best friend Kendall leaning against the door. Despite being his closest friend, Carlos was not particularly fond of the other boy at the moment, if his sore, aching muscles were any indication. _

_Kendall sighed happily, head leaning back against the door. "I think I'm in love," he proclaimed suddenly._

"_What?" Carlos exclaimed in shock and confusion. "You've barely known him a week. How you can you know that?"_

_Kendall looked straight at his friend before answering, "I knew the very first time he smiled at me."_

And as they approached his house, Carlos handed Logan back his bags and he couldn't help but grin at the soft smile tugging at Logan's lips, wondering if there would, could ever be something between them.


	3. Chapter 3

**Warnings: Violence, past character death**  
**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**  
**Notes: Kinda short. Can't wait until the next few chapters, it'll start going in depth with the whole storyline (including a lot of Kames angst which I'm excited to write) Let me know what you guys think. PS: totally got my muse from an amazing drawing by vanillaspiders, so props!**

* * *

_Over the past month Carlos had been noticing quite a few things. This wasn't completely unusual, seeing as his job called for excellent observational skills. These particular skills alerted him of these changes in his life, or rather the changes in everyone's life around first and foremost was the amount of time James was spending with Kendall in their close-knit group. _

_Sure, they had dozens of followers on their side, ranging in all statuses of loyalty, those willing to do their dirty work, those just willing to kiss ass. Point being, they had dozens of people working years to get where James got in one month. James had to be pretty damn special to earn this spot in their group; and he didn't even know the half of it.  
_  
_The second thing he noticed was how cool James was. He was a funny, down to earth guy who was really into hockey and singing. Granted, he was unusually concerned with his looks but that seemed to lessen directly correlating to the amount of time he spent with Kendall. (Carlos assumed it was because of how often Kendall told him he was beautiful. He'd walked in on quite a few of those times; Kendall cupping his cheeks, kissing him, softly proclaiming "God you're so fucking beautiful.")_

_The third and perhaps Carlos' favorite observation was how the brunette had Kendall totally and completely whipped. The blond leader gave orders, he did not take them and he didn't take well to those who tried to order him around (__**tried**_ _being the keyword). Things were different with James though; he could make Kendall do things and live to tell the tale. He could make the leader do anything and that was a first concerning the blond. _

_The last thing he noticed was that James and Kendall really liked each other, if the frequent kisses and hand holding were any indication. And even if he was a little jealous and kind of lonely, he was happy for them, that they found each other and made each other happier than ever before._

In his first month of being there Logan started to realize a lot of things. His personal favorite was how, despite the low-level "advanced" classes and the school full of delinquents (who _still _looked like they could/wanted to kill him, Minnesota was growing on him. Sure, it was still unbelievably cold compared to what he was used to back home and he still wasn't impressed (and still slightly afraid) of the school but all the little things were starting to add up to something bigger.

And Logan, being totally enamored with anything revolving around math, loved the equation his life was shaping up to be. It was like in chemistry, balancing both sides of an equation. And that's what he had to do now, balance out his life since moving. He was off to a good start, so far. Though in this school it wasn't even challenging, he was maintaining straight A's and earning enthusiastic, slightly surprised praise from _all _his teachers.

Amongst the variables balancing out his equation was Carlos, the boy who had stuck to him like glue since his very first day. If he had to define their relationship, he supposed it'd technically be considered friendship. Carlos was around far too often to be a mere acquaintance and Logan would be lying if he said he didn't contemplate possible feelings towards the boy. He couldn't put a finger on it but there was just something about him.

Different wouldn't even begin to cover it. He was a series of opposites, tough but sweet, funny but serious, dangerous but safe. Since arriving at the school, he'd never felt safer than by Carlos' side but at the same time, he couldn't ignore all the almost fearful looks casted towards him and Kendall. He was more than a little curious and more than a little afraid to ask.

Yet another month had passed and the majority of things had stayed the same. Not much at all had changed in the past eleven months. His life had become a tale of routine consisting of loneliness, anger and sorrow. it wasn't completely fair to declare that he was alone because he still had Carlos who was like a brother to him but most times, it just wasn't the same. And now, Carlos was hanging out with the new kid and Kendall wanted to warn him but he didn't have the heart when Carlos looked so happy.

He tried his damn hardest to ignore every flash before his eyes and every blissful memory that occurred whenever he observed Carlos and Logan interacting. It was so vaguely reminiscent of the first month he and James spent together. The shy smiles, getting to know one another, blushing more than usual. They both fit the situation so well, both played the parts exactly. Kendall just prayed for his best friend's sake, that they didn't have the same ending, that when Carlos thought about the potential love of his life, he was let with more than just memories.

_Kendall felt extremely guilty but sometimes with his specific job description, it couldn't be helped. He kissed his cheek apologetically and stepped into the kitchen, answering his phone. As Carlos spoke on the other line about a potential issue, he couldn't help but glance back into the living room, a fond smile tugging at his lips. _

"_Just tell him to get in line before I do it for him," Kendall ordered, flipping his phone shut and returning to the living room. He leaned against the doorway, watching fondly as James sat crosslegged on the couch, a bowl of popcorn situated in his lap._

"_What?" James questioned innocently when he noticed Kendall's stare. He popped a few pieces of popcorn into his mouth, eyes staring questioningly at the other boy. _

_Kendall grinned and walked over to the couch, cupping James' soft cheeks. He swiped his thumb over James' pouty bottom lip, swiping away the little bit of salt that lingered there. "You're just so cute," he murmured, leaning down to press their lips together in a sweet kiss. He sighed as he pulled away, thinking that he could really get used to this._

Kendall came out of this memory the way he always did: a familiar, deep ache residing in his chest, longing so desperately to have those times back, _to have James back. _But he knew that would never happen and that was, perhaps, what always hurt the most. He peered across the table to see Carlos shooting him a sympathetic smile while Logan appeared slightly puzzled. He certainly wouldn't be the person to clue him in; it hurt enough to just _think _about James being gone, but to actually say it aloud. That would kill him, more so than had already been done.

He thanked whatever higher power existed that Carlos didn't ask if he was okay. Because frankly, he didn't have the energy anymore to lie and say he was okay, when he, so clearly, was _not okay. _At the risk of sounding like a broken record, he wanted James back and nothing in the whole world would ever make that, make him, okay again.

Logan could see the pain in the blonde's eyes; it was there almost all the time. He was curious to say the least but he knew it wasn't really something you just brought up out of the blue. He hypothesized that it had something to do with the beautiful boy in the picture on his dashboard. Maybe a recent break up that he had yet to get over. The smart boy shrugged it off, knowing that it was truly none of his business.

Carlos watched his new friend observed his old friend with a curiosity that few had the balls to possess. _No one _questioned Kendall Knight. _No one _messed with him. They were all too scared; he'd developed quite the rep in the past year.

But Logan was different; he was just genuinely curious while others wanted to seek out Kendall's weakness and use it against him, some were just shocked to hear the infamous Kendall Knight _had _a weakness. Carlos briefly wondered if he should tell Logan, just to fill him in. But after a second's thought, he decided against it, deciding that it wasn't exactly his place to tell. Kendall would tell Logan if he wanted Logan to know and he was going to respect that; it was the least he could do for his friend.

* * *

Logan was extremely grateful that Kendall was in his gym class. Being the bad boy type himself and being a friend of Carlos', Logan felt pretty safe around the blond boy. No one seemed to want to mess with him. So Logan planned to stick by him because _everyone _looked like they wanted to mess with him. Part of him suspected that Carlos told Kendall to look after him because Kendall is never too far from him and Logan loved that.

After pulling his gym clothes out of his gym locker, he scurried off to one of the vacant shower stalls, changing behind the curtain. He reappeared a few minutes later, shoving his regular clothes in his locker before heading out to the main gym. He cringed when he noticed a big bag of rubber balls in the middle of the gym. _Dodgeball. _

Turned out, his prediction was right. They were in for a rousing game of dodgeball, one of Logan's least favorite games in existence. He couldn't throw. He couldn't catch. And he certainly couldn't dodge. He was _not _made for this game. He tried his best to remain invisible during this game but it wasn't seeming to work. On numerous occasions, Kendall had stepped in to catch a ball flying straight at him or hit someone aiming to throw one at him. Kendall was _very _into the game, dodging and throwing like a pro.

He lasted a considerably long time in the game, all thanks going to Kendall of course. There were only a few players left on each team and it was becoming a fierce competition. Everyone was playing like there was actually something at stake; this kind of determination scared Logan a little.

Kendall was focused on striking another player out, arm drawn back, ready to launch the ball. In those three seconds, one of the guys from the opposing side took the very opportunity to throw a ball at Logan. Said ball hit Logan at an alarming force right in the head. It was so powerful that it literally knocked the smart boy off his feet, falling backwards onto the cold gym floor.

Kendall was over to his side in an instant, checking to make sure he was okay before standing back up, marching straight over to the other side, a frightening rage in his eyes. Logan sat up just in time to see his attack, so to speak, cowering away from the blond boy. He thought it was strange that this guy, who was almost a foot taller than Kendall, was shying fearfully away from him. There had to be something behind that but with the way his head was spinning, he didn't care enough to think it through. That was the last thing he remembered before his vision went blurred and all he saw was black.

* * *

The next thing he knew he was in the nurse's office, lying on one of the cots. His head pounded slightly as it all started coming back to him. He groaned aloud; _this _was the reason he hated gym class.

"You okay Logan?" a worried voice asked beside him.

He turned his head to see Carlos sitting in a chair beside his bed, looking distraught and worried. The thought made Logan's stomach flutter with butterflies for a brief second before his rational side wondered what he was doing out of class.

"Shouldn't you be in class?" he questioned, instead of answering the previously stated question.

The Latino just shrugged dismissively, "I was just on my way to detention."

"Again?" he exclaimed, because this was already the third time he'd been to detention this week and it was only Tuesday.

"What?" Carlos said defensively, "He pointed to me with his ruler and said there was an idiot at the end of it. I asked him which end he was referring to. Not my fault he's a complete dipshit."

Logan rolled his eyes at his friend's typical behavior and stifled a soft sigh as Carlos' fingers grazed along his forehead.

"But seriously Logie," Carlos insisted solemnly, "Are you okay?"

A soft smile tugged at Logan's lips and even though his head was still throbbing in pain, he couldn't help but nod, because for the moment, with Carlos' worried gaze and gentle touches, he was okay. Maybe this school wasn't so bad after all.


	4. Chapter 4

**Warnings: Violence, past character death**  
**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**  
**Notes: Short but sweet. Wow, shortest wait for an update ever. I don't like to say never but I wouldn't ever expect chapters to come out this fast ever again. It was just a random muse to write this combined with a few free hours. Let me know what you guys think. Now we're getting deeper into the Kames relationship from the past and the Cargan relationship for the present! Oh and PS, there is slight chance this chapter may break your heart in the beginning but the fluff at the end will heal it.**

* * *

_**This**_ _was the time in a relationship that Kendall loved the most: where dates turned to hanging out, awkwardness faded to comfort, you went from knowing nothing about this person to knowing everything about them. It was the moment where infatuation died and love grew to take its place. Six months into their relationship and Kendall knew all he needed to know. James was the sweetest most caring guy Kendall ever had the fortunate to meet and he knew he would never let him go. James made him happier than he'd ever been and just being with him felt so incredibly right, as natural as breathing. _

_Kendall was reflecting on this while they were lying in bed one night. He was on his back, James curled up against his side, looking absolutely precious in __**his**_ _old hockey jersey. The blankets were pulled up to their chests as they relaxed, simply enjoyed one another's company. The brunette's head on his chest, he breathed in the sweet scent of James' shampoo each time he inhaled. _

"_What did I ever do to deserve someone so perfect?" he sighed wistfully, idly tracing his fingertips along James' arm. _

"_It's the leather jacket and tattoos," James stated in a feigned matter of fact tone. He glanced up at Kendall, a teasing grin on his lips._

"_Speaking of tattoos and not deserving you," he said, matching James' carefree grin. "I've been thinking about getting your name along my arm. Big black letters."_

_Maybe it was James' slight lack of modesty or that James just knew him that well, but the pretty bot wasn't the least bit shocked at this announcement. Where most people were concerned with making sure that person knew what they were doing, James wasn't. It was probably because he knew Kendall, so he knew that the blond didn't do anything rash or anything he didn't mean one hundred percent. Instead of a normal reaction, he replied:_

"_Why not some pretty cursive letters?"_

"_I have a reputation to uphold," he exclaimed with a light chuckle. "I can't be seen with 'pretty cursive' ink."_

"_Whatever," James mumbled with a playful pout. His face scrunched up in a giggle when Kendall kissed his nose. That moment, right there, encompassing their entire relationship, was absolutely __**perfect. **_

Because of this horrifyingly blissful memory that seized his dreams, Kendall was up earlier than usual. He didn't dare go back to sleep and risk another dream of his departed beloved. By the time he rolled out of bed, got dressed and headed off to school, he was easily a half hour early. With a sigh, he entered the school anyways.

He passed through the cafeteria on the way to his locker but stopped when he noticed Logan sitting at one of the tables alone, books and papers all spread out in front of him. He took the seat across from the smart boy, throwing his backpack on the bench beside him. His forearms settled on the table as he peered at the other boy.

"What're you doin' here so early?" he wondered aloud.

Logan, who'd been so consumed in his schoolwork, jumped a little before finally glancing up. "My mom had an early shift and the bus scares me so she dropped me off on her way."

His gaze fell down to the bad boy's forearms, pushing up sleeves leaving them exposed. Amongst the colorful ink covering his pale skin, one specific tattoo stood out to Logan. It was on the underside of his left forearm, five simple letters scripted in simple, eloquent cursive, the J just below the crease of his elbow, the S landing right at his wrist. _James. _

He couldn't stop himself before asking, "Who's James?"

Kendall's whole body went rigid at this simple question. He wasn't particularly in the mood to explain. Then again, he would probably never be in the mood to. As hard as it would be, he figured he had to explain since the other boy asked. "He was my boyfriend," he answered, voice catching in his throat.

And Logan _knew _he shouldn't ask because it really wasn't any of his business and the other boy seemed destroyed by this but his natural curiosity and high crave for knowledge led him to ask regardless. "Was?"

"He's dead," he said shortly, fighting back the tears in his eyes at this soft, sad confession. It hurt so much more to admit it aloud.

Logan mentally slapped himself for asking, now wishing that he hadn't. "I'm sorry," he apologized sympathetically, heart constricting painfully for the other boy. He didn't know exactly how he felt but he had a pretty good idea.

"Yeah," the blond agreed quietly. "Me too."

"You must've really loved him," Logan commented, hoping his words provided some, _any _comfort. Then it all clicked: the constant forlorn expression Kendall wore, the picture on his dashboard. That must be James.

"Yeah," Kendall whispered, picking at the dirt under his nails to avoid Logan's sympathetic gaze. "I did."

Luckily for both boys, Carlos came bouncing over to the table, plopping down beside the smart boy. "Seriously Logie, more homework?"

A particularly good listener, Logan found himself unable to concentrate on Carlos' rant about homework's insignificance (a topic Logan had a great rebuttal for), he was too busy observing the broken boy in front of him.

* * *

The rest of the school day carried on like normal: the three of them joined together for lunch (though the conversation today was hardly there considering Kendall's preoccupation and Logan wishing there was something he could do), Carlos chattering endlessly during choir and Kendall protecting him during gym.

Logan, whose mind was somewhere else completely, failed to notice the time and, as a result, missed his bus once again. He felt he should've been more upset over this but frankly, he hated riding the bus so it seemed like a blessing in disguise to him. Just as he was about to brainstorm all his options to get home, Carlos was walking over, mischievous grin ever present on his face.

"Why are you still here?"

"Detention," he answered with the same nonchalant shrug he always did. "How 'bout you shorty?"

"Missed my bus," Logan didn't notice how his bottom lip jutted out in a pout when he said this. Carlos noticed and smiled.

"C'mon," he exclaimed, jerking his head towards the school's exit. "I'll walk you home."

"It's really far to my house," the smart boy stated. "Besides! You're in detention. You could get in trouble for skipping."

And there was that shrug again. "I'm already in trouble. I'm always in trouble. And it's not too far, I know a great shortcut."

Although Logan did _not _condone Carlos' behavior in the slightest bit, he followed the Latino anyways, taking partial solace in the fact that he wouldn't be the one getting in trouble and the fact that trouble seemed to be Carlos' middle name. Logan couldn't decide if he was frightened or excited by this.

Turns out, much to Logan's disapproval, this "shortcut" of Carlos' led them straight through a forest. Being the city boy he was, the smart boy was momentarily horrified when they approached the wooded area. He didn't want to seem like a wuss though so he just shut his mouth and kept his concerns to himself. Luckily, Carlos seemed to know where he was going pretty well, which helped Logan relax a little. How beautiful the snow looked dusting across the ground helped too. It was so pure, so fresh. That was the one thing Logan loved about snow; stepping in snow so fresh that there weren't any other footprints scarring it.

For a few minutes, Logan entertained an analogy where he compared himself to this new snow; completely innocent and pure, which unfortunately made it that much more desirable to corrupt him, symbolized by someone stepping in the snow. In this analogy, he gave Carlos the opposite role, represented by the snow that was completely trampled. Each footprint or animal print was one of his tattoos, a specially crafted story to be told. And similarly, no one went out of their way to put their mark in stepped in snow, meaning that no one was going to mess with Carlos.

So preoccupied with this analogy and kicking his feet through the snow, Logan failed to notice the loose branch sticking out of the snow. He snagged his foot on it, sending him falling to the ground with his next step. Carlos was beside him barely a second after he hit the ground, worriedly questioning if he was okay. Logan sat up with a slight groan because since when was he so injury prone. First the dodgeball incident, now this. He winced at the slight pain in his knee. Carlos carefully helped him stand up, eying him intently.

"Are you okay Logie?" he asked once more.

"I'm fine," he answered, hoping that he could conceal the slight limp that would accompany his walking.

Carlos noticed after half a step. "You are not!" he accused, pointing a figure at the other boy. He yanked away the other boy's backpack, before moving in front of him and crouching down. "Get on."

"No Carlos, seriously, it's okay," Logan insisted.

"No Logie, seriously, get on," Carlos mimicked Logan's dialogue, smirking proudly to himself when it worked in successfully convincing Logan to accept his help. Once the smart boy was on, he straightened, carrying his backpack as he walked. Logan clung to him tightly, arms slung over his shoulders. There was no denying the butterflies fluttering around in his stomach the whole way home.


	5. Chapter 5

All the memories he had were of just him and his mom; his dad hadn't been in the picture since he was barely a year old. He didn't skip out of them or leave them all alone. From all the stories his mom told him, he knew his dad was a fantastic father and husband. Sure, he was a busy doctor but he always made time for his family, his mom would tell him.

Logan loved the nights where him and his mom would grab dinner together and his mom would tell stories about his dad the whole time; unfortunately those nights were far and few now considering his mom's hectic work schedule. She was hardly ever home anymore. Logan wasn't fond of being alone all the time; sure, it was relaxing at first but after a while of the same routine, it got boring.

Logan was sitting on the couch in the living room, a blanket tucked around his legs. He was enjoying some TV since he had finished all his homework for that next week hours ago. It wasn't a school night so it didn't matter if he was up past 9:30, which was exciting because now he could watch the documentary on the science channel. He was just picking up the remote to change the channel when his phone vibrated beside him. A soft smile tugged at his lips as he saw who the text was from. It was such a simple text yet somehow it made his entire night. Logan had to mentally slap himself, wondering where these sudden feelings came from.

New text from Carlos  
_Whats up shorty?_

Only after he replied with "watching a documentary on the science channel," did he realize how incredibly dorky that sounded. He really wished he could take it back, that he hadn't said _that _to the oddly sweet bad boy with all the tattoos. But Carlos' reply after that made his heart jump a little because he said nothing about what a nerd he was.

New text from Carlos  
_Sounds riveting cutie_

Logan could feel the heat rising to his cheeks at the little nickname at the end.

Text sent to Carlos  
_it is! its all about people born with weird birth defects._

New text from Carlos  
_is this how you spend your friday nights logie?_

Text sent to Carlos  
_maybe..._

New text from Carlos  
_thats kinda sad_

Text sent to Carlos  
_Oh, like your nights are nonstop parties!_

New text from Carlos  
_sometimes they are. maybe ill take you with me one of these times_

The initial thought frightened him a bit, wondering what particular activities Carlos partook in on these infamous Friday nights. But after a second, third and fourth thought, the fear faded away and was replaced with excitement. Was this Carlos' way of asking him out?

Text sent to Carlos  
_Sounds like fun_

Was that his way of accepting? He supposed it was because of Carlos' reply.

New text from Carlos  
_pick you up at 12 tomorrow_

Text sent to Carlos  
_Isn't that pretty early?_

New text to Carlos  
_well need it for our day of fun_

Logan didn't know what Carlos had in mind but he couldn't help the excitement coursing through his veins, that same excitement outweighing that of which for his documentary which had gone ignored during this text exchange. He couldn't keep the giddy smile off his face for the rest of the night.

* * *

_It was always beautiful basking in the afterglow; coming down from such an exhilarating high to the serene, calm security of lying in one another's arms. James' soft skin practically glowing, his typically flawless hair disheveled and messy (the way he secretly loved it). Despite their previous activity and James' high level of self confidence, he shyly buried his head in Kendall's chest, cheeks burning bright red._

_Kendall smiled fondly and combed his fingers through the other's soft hair. He spotted a pen on his bedside table and snatched it, biting the cap off. He peeled back the blankets that were covering their bodies and slid down the bed. Leaning forward, he kissed James' hipbone, relishing the gentle shiver it caused. He brought the pen to James' skin, lightly scrawling letters across his hip. Kendall._

"_See?" he said as he glanced up at his stunning boyfriend. "If you got a tattoo, you could look down and know who you belong to."_

_A small smile tweaked at James' lips as he tugged his boyfriend back up to his level, pressing a firm kiss to his lips. "I don't need a tattoo to know I belong to you."_

_If it was possible, Kendall fell even more in love with James right then._

Throwing on a long sleeve shirt to accompany his pj pants and grabbing his cigarettes, Kendall snuck out to his porch, sitting on the steps and lighting one up. He inhaled the relaxing smoke into his lungs, looking out at all the snow covering his yard.

James always loved it, all the snow; he'd drag him outside to play in the snow with him. It wasn't Kendall's favorite thing to do; he had plenty of other more important business things to attend to but James begged in _that _way and all of Kendall's resolve would immediately shatter. Cigarette tucked between his lips, he walked out into the snow, lying down in it. He moved his arms and legs up and down, making a snow angel.

For a second, it was nice to pretend James was right there beside him, making a snow angel of his own. But in the morning, after a nice hot shower to fight the previous night's cold, his heart would constrict painfully after seeing only one snow angel; it was just his own, all by itself.

* * *

Saturday morning brought about a whole new wave of excitement for the typically enthusiastic Latino. His life never actually _lacked _excitement but this was different, a whole new level, a different type of thrill. He had a date with an incredibly sweet boy that he was looking forward to getting to know better. He knew the other boy moved from LA, his mom is a doctor (subsequently, he's rich), and he never mentions his dad. Carlos wanted to know why. He wanted to know what Logan was afraid of, his fears (besides everyone at their school), he wanted to know his favorite color, food, music.

He wanted to know everything that made this boy who he is today. Maybe that was too much too fast but he figured this was the opportunity to get a head start. After all he had a lot to learn and that wasn't his favorite activity, learning. But with a new subject, maybe his interest could be peaked. Pre-date jitters were hitting him as he embarked on an endless search to find something decent to wear.

This wasn't an easy task with his wardrobe, which consisted mainly of ripped jeans and hoodies. Somehow, he managed, finding some jeans with minimal holes and blue plaid shirt (incidentally the only collared shirt he owned). After dabbing on a little cologne and giving himself a once over in the mirror, he was about to head to Logan's when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He sighed at the caller ID, knowing he had to help his friend, no matter how badly he wanted to see Logan.

Logan wasn't sure if his nervousness was justified or necessary but he found it couldn't be helped as he fiddled with the sleeve of his cardigan. In all honesty, this was his first real date, his first time having real possible feelings for someone. That alone was enough to terrify him. He was expecting Carlos any minute when he answered his ringing phone. "Hello?"

"Hey Logan, it's Carlos," Logan could hear the reluctance in the other's voice. Logan cringed, trying to quickly prepare himself for heartbreak. "Can we push our thing back an hour or two? I have to do some damage control."

This sparked an instinct in the smart boy; he knew exactly what Carlos was referring to. _Kendall. _Logan felt a connection to the bad boy, not like that of which he felt to Carlos but like, he and Kendall had a lot in common. Because of this, he felt the need to be there for Kendall too, to possible help him ease the pain. Logan knew how valuable this could be. "I'll come with. I'm great at damage control."

Devastation was the first emotion to hit Logan as they pulled up to the cemetery. The sight absolutely heartbreaking to witness but the smart boy found himself unable to look away. In the distance, he could see Kendall sitting on the ground, right in front of a grave. He knew extra what Kendall was doing there, what specific grave he was visiting. Carlos seemed a little hesitant but Logan got out of the car the second it slowed to a stop.

Without a thought, he crossed the cemetery, eyes scanning over all the headstones with names on them. He found himself wondering about all these people; however many family members were heartbroken over the loss of their loved ones. It was such a sad thing to think about.

He subtly glanced over his shoulder to see Carlos hanging back slightly as he approached the distraught blond. "Kendall?" he called hesitantly.

The other boy looked up with tear filled eyes, green orbs telling the obvious tale of sorrow and longing. "Logan?" he questioned, furiously wiping at his eyes. "What're you doing here?"

"I'm here with Carlos," he answered softly, "We wanted to see if you were okay."

"Well I'm not," Kendall snapped but Logan knew not to take his harsh tone to heart. It was just his situation that made him use this tone; he just missed James and he could understand that. "I'm never going to be."

"And that's okay Kendall," Logan insisted, taking a seat on the ground beside the blond boy. "No one expects you to be okay. "It's okay not to be okay."

A silence settled over them for a few moments before Logan spoke again.

"You know, it feels weird but sometimes, it helps to talk to them. If that makes sense," the smart boy trailed off, glancing at the other boy to see if he understood. The look of confusion on his face obviously meant he didn't. "My dad died when I was really little and sometimes it makes it easier to deal with knowing that I can talk to him anytime I want. That he's always listening. I bet James is too. And I bet he wants to hear how great you're doing."

"But I'm not," Kendall whispered, keeping his head low as he sniffled a few times.

"Then I'm sure he'd love to hear about how much you miss and love him," Logan suggested, a hand on the other's shoulder. He stood up, slowly inching back to give Kendall some privacy. He felt his throat tighten with the effort not to cry as he heard Kendall start to talk to his deceased boyfriend. He didn't even realize he was crying until he felt Carlos reach down and grab his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. Squeezing his eyes shut, he let himself be consoled by that simple action, the warmth of Carlos' hand holding his own and the security of knowing Carlos was there for him without question.

* * *

**A/N: Reviews make me super happy. **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I've been so busy lately that I haven't had much time to do any writing. But I'm glad I was able to update this. I really like this chapter; for once it actually has more Cargan than Kames. I think you guys will really like this chapter too. Someone wanted to know what Carlos and Kendall's tattoos were so this chapter addresses Kendall's (and Carlos' will be addressed later). Review and let me know what you guys think!**

* * *

"I feel bad for just leaving him there," Logan confessed softly from the passenger seat of Kendall's car (which the blond had let them borrow for the day). The pair had spent a while lingering there, listening to Kendall talk to his deceased boyfriend and trying not to let it break their hearts.

"Whether he's there or at home, wherever he is, all he'll do is think of James," Carlos answered knowingly, glancing over at the smaller boy, who wore a deep expression of empathy for the blond. Silence settled between them, leaving Logan's hundreds of silent questions unanswered. He didn't think this was the right time to ask these rather personal questions; besides, the day was supposed to be one of fun.

"So what's on the agenda today?"

A smile tugged at Carlos' lips. "It's a surprise."

Logan's face scrunched up in obvious distaste. "I hate surprises," he admitted, bottom lip jutting out in a pout.

"You'll like this one," Carlos insisted confidently, smiling over at the cute brunette in his passenger's seat.

Logan found himself smiling at this promise, thinking that maybe this surprise wouldn't be too bad.

* * *

Cold fingers traced inked skin, outlining every intricate pattern of ink. Dozens of tattoos covered his pale skin, each one telling a heart-wrenching story. Shaking fingertips ghosted over the cursive letters on the underside of his left arm. Tears filled his eyes as he finished tracing the S. He couldn't help but trace over his other tattoos as well, reflecting on the ink under his skin. His fingertips jumped over to his other arm, his thumb brushing against the three names scripted on his wrist. _Katie. Challen. Greggory. _His sister, mom and dad; his family. This triplet of names on his wrist were the first tattoos he'd gotten. He'd gotten them shortly following his dad's death when he was 15, after realizing that you had to cherish what you had before it was gone.

Just above that, on the middle of his forearm, was his crest. It was styled after a simple medieval shield, similar to the ones knights possessed during that time. It was shaded gray and in the middle was a bold K, for Knight. Further up, he had a chain inked around the top half of his forearm, cutting off just before wrapping all the way around. Just below the crease of his elbow, wrapped all the way around were lyrics, ones that had always resonated with him. _It's never bad enough to just leave or give up but its never good enough to feel right. _Accompanying the tattoo of James' name, he got this one after the brunette's death too; after noticing how his life never seemed to feel right anymore. It was never enough to want to kill himself but he certainly didn't _enjoy_living anymore.

Words scripted in a similar style ran along his chest, right over his heart, reading: _Home is where you make it. _He'd gotten this one for James too, inspired after the other boy expressed how much Kendall meant to him and how he'd always have a special place in his heart.

He'd wanted James to get a tattoo, not necessarily a matching one (though it would be awesome). He'd gotten quite close to beginning the brunette to get one, nothing big or flashy, just something, _any_thing to mark him, just enough to protect him, just enough to keep him safe. He cursed himself every day since James' death that he hadn't been able to persuade the brunette. He didn't do his job as his boyfriend. He had failed; he hadn't protected James like he should of and it killed him on a daily basis.

* * *

Logan was fairly sure that he'd never blushed so much in his life. Back in Minnesota, he kept to himself a lot so he never actually developed feelings for someone before. But ever since he'd gotten to know the Latino boy, he found that was slowly changing. He was experiencing a lot of emotions that he'd never felt before and it scared him a bit. But he was starting to discover that he didn't have to worry about that much.

Despite his hard, tough appearance, Carlos was an extremely nice, sweet boy. He made Logan feel safe too which was a good thing considering how intimidating their school was, especially for a small, innocent boy like him.

Whenever the Latino did something nice for him, Logan couldn't help the heat that instantly rose to his face, staining his cheeks a deep pink. Whenever Carlos smiled at him, or held doors open for him or called him "shorty," a nickname Carlos had used from the first day they met, despite how they were practically the same height. Carlos apparently didn't care and Logan found he couldn't really care, as long as Carlos meant it as an endearingly.

Logan smiled softly up at the other boy as he pulled the car door open for him, wearing a matching grin. He shut the door behind the smaller boy and pocketed his keys, leading them into the small diner for lunch. Without waiting to be seated, Carlos placed his hand on the small of Logan's back, guiding him towards the very back corner. They both slid in to opposite sides of the booth and less than a minute later, a sweet middle aged woman was coming over to take their order. Her face seemed to widened as she saw them sitting there.

"Hey you," she chirped towards the Latino, who in turn smiled sweetly at her. "I haven't seen you 'round here in a while."

"I know," Carlos sighed, putting on an apologetic smile. "Things have been tough these last few months."

"I heard what happened," she murmured sadly, "That's so terrible. Challen tells me that Kendall's not doing so well."

Carlos nodded, as if not wanting to admit this statement to be true. "Yeah, he's not. He's taking it really hard. But who can blame him really?"

"Certainly not," the woman answered, taking a notepad from her apron. "Let him know we're all thinking about him. Now who is this cutie?"

Switching the subject to the bookworm seemed to instantly cheer the Latino up. "This cutie," Carlos declared proudly, sorrow replaced with sudden joy. "Is Logan."

"Well how come we haven't seen him around here before?"

"He's new in town," Carlos informed her, matter-of-factly.

"Well welcome to town," she said sweetly, "Now what can I get you two today?"

After lunch, the pair headed out of the diner, but not before their friendly waitress made Carlos promise to visit more often. Carlos had nodded eagerly, promising to do so. She turned to Logan and insisted he do the same. How sweet and kind this woman was put the biggest smile on the smart boy's face. Somehow, this smile increased tenfold when Carlos promised that she would be seeing a lot more of the both of them in the future. The statement caused Logan's cheeks to turn a light pink as he waved goodbye to the sweet waitress.

"C'mon," Carlos said softly as they exited the diner, the Latino reaching back to grab Logan's hand in his own. Even despite the cold weather, Logan could feel the warmth in his cheeks. "I wanna take you somewhere."

The park was a short walk from the diner, only about ten minutes from the restaurant. Their fingers remained laced the whole time and Logan found it impossible to hate the freezing cold when he could feel Carlos' warmth. Their pace slowed slightly as they entered the park, treading across the snow covered grass. In the distance, Logan could see an intricate fountain in the middle of the park. He smiled when he realized that's exactly where Carlos was leading them.

Once they finally stood before it, Logan frowned when he realized that the water was frozen over. He frowned more when he realized that he really should've realized that sooner. He shoved these thoughts aside as he looked over at Carlos questioningly. What were they doing at this fountain if it was frozen?

Without a spoken question, Carlos began to speak. "My mom used to take him here all the time when I was little. I used to wonder how the fountain could be lucky if it was always frozen over. She told me that since it was always frozen, it was actually luckier than normal ponds. She said that the ice held more luck than normal water fountains and I was so little that I actually believed her. So now, every time I come, frozen or not, I throw in a penny, knowing that it'll give me luck." Logan listened intently as the Latino boy told his story, enthralled to know that Carlos trusted him enough to share such a fond story. "I actually haven't done so since James died."

Logan's heart skipped a beat at this tragic announcement. He dug around frantically in his pocket until he finally found what he was looking for. He pulled out a single penny and handed it over to the Latino. "Here. Make your wish."

A soft small tugged at Carlos' lips as he reached over, plucking the penny from his hand. Letting his eyes slip shut, Carlos held the penny up to his lips and silently mouthed his wish against it. Opening his eyes, he tossed the penny onto the ice, watching as it slid towards the middle. Carlos held Logan's hand firmly in his own, hoping that his wish stayed true. Because after all, how were you supposed to wish for something you already had?

After arriving back in town, the pair stopped by the ice cream shop, grabbing some ice cream before heading back to the car. It was a little hard to drive while Logan was in the passenger seat, carefully and strategically lapping his tongue over his ice cream cone, making sure to catch every drop of the creamy dessert. Carlos had to force his gaze back on the gaze every time it would falter. The drive (the destination, Logan didn't know) was about twenty minutes, leading them just out of town to a small field where their was a set up for a drive in movie.

"Wanna know a secret?" Carlos asked with a chuckle as they waited for the movie to start, glancing over at the cute brunette sitting in the passenger side.

"Yeah," Logan whispered, nodding shyly.

"My weekends aren't typically this eventful," the Latino confessed, fearing that Logan would give him a hard time considering how much he had teased the boy for having such tame weekend activities.

Logan gasped suddenly, feigning shock as he met the other boy's gaze. "No! Are you serious?"

"Ha, ha, ha," Carlos fake laughed, nodding his head in understanding; he was expecting a similar reaction from the smart boy. "Yeah, very funny Logie."

The little nickname made Logan grin instantly. It always did; it was something he couldn't explain and that worried him a little. But he tried to ignore this anxiety, focusing instead on how much fun he was having with Carlos all day.

Nearing the end of their date, Logan was really reluctant to let it end. He felt like they'd only spent an hour or two together when in reality they literally spent all day together. Logan hypothesized that's how it felt sometimes to really like someone. Every minute with them felt like barely a second, each second barely a fleeting moment in time. He wished it could last forever. Unfortunately, they were pulling up to his house, Carlos shutting the car off and quickly running around the front to open Logan's door for him.

The smart boy thanked him shyly, making his way up to his porch. He smiled when he saw Carlos following behind him. Obviously he didn't want this to end either. Suddenly, it all dawned on him. Dates usually ended in kissing. That's why Carlos was following him up to his porch. In all honesty, he'd never kissed anyone before because he'd never found that special person who he liked enough to do such activities with. But now he did.

"I had fun," Logan began quietly, averting his gaze to his shoes to avoid meeting Carlos' sweet gaze. "Especially in the park. I loved your story about the fountain and how lucky it was and I'm really glad you got to make a wish and I hope that it comes true because that would really suck if it did and then it wouldn't be lucky anymo-"

"Shorty?" Carlos interrupted him softly, gripping his chin loosely to tilt his gaze up.

"Yeah?" he breathed, shy, unsure gaze meeting Carlos' sweet, fond one.

"Shut up so I can kiss you," the Latino murmured, leaning in before the smart boy had time to react, sealing their lips together in a gentle, sweet kiss. It was simple, nothing pressing or fancy, just two boys expressing obvious feelings for each other. Despite how tame it was, both boys could easily feel the sparks flying between them. Logan's heart pounded in excitement and nervousness, mind racing at a million thoughts per second. But when he felt Carlos' gloved hands reaching up to softly cup his cheeks, he let his mind go blank and just enjoyed the feel of Carlos' lips against his. Subconsciously, he leaned into the other boy, who easily kept him anchored. They pulled apart after a couple of minutes, both grinning from ear to ear.

"I guess that pond still is lucky."


	7. Chapter 7

"What was your first kiss with James like?"

The question broke the silence that had settled over them as they drove down the street towards Carlos' place. The only thing Carlos had been able to think of the entire ride was Logan. He could still practically feel the other boy's lips on his own; the way his lips pressed shyly against his own, the way Logan's small body seemed to lean into his. Everything about it was perfect and that's why it absolutely terrified the Latino boy.

"Magic," Kendall replied immediately, without even thinking. The images flashing through his mind did so with ease; playing on a loop over and over again in crystal clarity. He could remember what James was wearing, each and every detail. More over, he could remember exactly what he _felt, _desperately wishing he could feel that again.

_It was their second date. The sky was clear and the moon was shinning bright, as if setting the mood for the two as they walked down the street, just outside the restaurant they had just dined at. James had been extremely thrilled when Kendall asked him out on a second date. He had spent hours getting ready that evening, wanting to look absolutely perfect. _

_When Kendall picked him up, his heart fluttered excitedly like it always did when he saw the blond. Things had been going great until halfway through the dinner, after chatting while waiting for their food. Their conversation didn't die once their food arrived. They continued talking with one another about anything and everything. About halfway through, Kendall became more interested in whoever was currently texting him. James couldn't help the pout that tugged at his lips. Who was so important to the blond that he had to completely ignore him on their __**date**__? _

_Considering how much he liked the other boy, he dismissed the feeling throughout the dinner whenever Kendall would pick up his phone. After they finished dinner and the blond payed their check, they were walking along outside. The cold weather set chills through his body and James thought it would be the perfect time for Kendall to hold his hand or slip an arm around his waist to "keep him warm." The blond, however, thought it was the perfect time to further ignore him and continue to text whoever he'd been talking to this whole evening. _

_James was sick of it. _

_Kendall was on a date with __**him **__and should be paying attention to __**him. **__With a smirk, he reached over mid-text and snatched away Kendall's phone. Kendall let out a indignant yell and lunged towards him to retrieve. James was too fast though, laughing as he dodged from Kendall's advance. _

"_James, give me back my phone," Kendall insisted firmly, moving towards the brunette again, only to have him step across the sidewalk. _

"_No," James answered bluntly. _

"_This isn't funny," the blond boy muttered, shaking his head as he reached for his phone yet again. The brunette was quick though and slid his hands behind his back, ruining Kendall's attempt to grab it. "Give me my phone back. This is important!" _

_James laughed and tried to hold Kendall's phone as far away as possible as the blond stepped closer, arms reaching around James' back. He was so close to grabbing his phone, he tried reaching a little further. It took each boy a few seconds to realize just how close they were; their chests pressed together, faces mere inches apart when they straightened. _

_And suddenly, his phone was the last thing on Kendall's mind. Nothing seemed important beside the feel of James' warmth breath ghosting over his lips. Their lips met halfway in a sudden, sweet kiss. Kendall's hands slipped back from James' to cup the brunette's cheek as he took the other's bottom lip between his. His eyes slipped shut and his every sense was filled with nothing but James. The subtle scent of his cologne, the feel of his soft soft underneath his fingertips, the sound of perfection and the taste of the pink lemonade James drank that night. It was absolutely perfect. _

_Pulling apart a couple of minutes later, Kendall rested his forehead against James', enjoying the way their breaths mingled every time they exhaled. Both boys were wearing identical grins. _

"_Is your phone still more important?" James questioned smugly. _

"_My wha-?" Kendall mumbled, meeting James' soft brown eyes._

_The other boy smiled sweetly, "Much better," he murmured before leaning in and pressing their lips together for another kiss. And with each kiss, Kendall forgot anything and everything that was ever more important than the boy he was falling in love with. _

Before the usual longing nostalgia could wash over him, something else beat it to the punch. Realization. His eyebrows quirked in interest as he briefly glanced over at his friend in the passenger seat.

"Did you and Logan...?" Kendall let the end of his question trail off as it was extremely obvious what he was implying. And by the way Carlos immediately turned red and smiled, the answer was just as obvious. "That's so awesome buddy!" He was genuinely happy for his friend even if he was a little jealous that his friend had someone to love and hold and he didn't anymore.

* * *

Carlos was amazed, flabbergasted, astounded by the effect the cute brunette had on him. One date, one kiss and he already felt the need to be a better person. He already wanted to give up all his bad habits and be the good guy Logan seemed to see.

That's why the following afternoon found him at the kitchen table, book sprawled out before him, pen in hand. He frowned in confusion as he read the problem for the third time, trying to understand what it was even asking. Carlos liked Logan so much that he was doing (or attempting) his homework. It was basically a lost cause now to start doing it, considering how much he'd already missed but that wasn't the point.

After re-reading the question a couple more times, Carlos threw his pen down, reaching into his pocket for his phone and dialing the only number he knew for help.

"_Hello?"_

"Hey Logan, it's me."

* * *

With shaky hands, Kendall fished his phone out of his pocket, heart pierced momentarily by the picture in the background and the overwhelming urge to go back to that moment. When he had the love of his life in his arms. Trembling fingers punched a familiar number and he put the phone to his ear, sorrowful relief flooding his system.

"_Hey Kendy, it's me._"

* * *

"_Oh, hey Carlos. What's up?"_

"I was giving this math thing a try," Carlos said, staring down at the book on the table. "But I'm not having an easy time with it."

"_Why don't you come over and I can help you."_

* * *

"_I know you're out working right now. But I just wanted to call because I miss you..." _

Kendall could already feel the tears welling up in his eyes as he listened to the last voicemail James sent him. He could remember that exact day.

_He'd been dealing with gang issues all day and he was getting sick of it. All he wanted to do was go home so he could see James. That's all that mattered, that's all that was on his mind. He left the remaining work for Carlos, trusting his right hand man to get it done. He went straight to James' house, picking a small pebble from his lawn and tossing it at his window. It was impossible to soften the grin that spread over his face when James appeared in the window. The brunette seemed to be wearing an identical smile as he held up one finger, then disappeared for a few seconds. _

_A couple minutes later and the front door of James' house was opening and the brunette was running towards him. He opened his arms just in time to catch the other boy, arms wrapped around him as James wrapped his legs around his waist. Kendall spun them around, laughing happily as James cupped his cheeks and brought their lips together in a firm, sweet kiss. For a few moments, it felt like the whole world came to a stop and it was just them, in that moment. _

"_Hop in beautiful."_

* * *

Carlos smiled as he leaned closer, feigning an interest in the math book before him. In all honesty, he just wanted to get closer to the other boy sitting beside him. That's where his attention currently was.

"So by using this formula and plugging in x's represented value into it, you just solve the equation from there and get your answer."

Carlos nodded slowly, listening intently to those instructions. "One more time," he requested, cringing slightly as if expecting the other boy to blow up at him for not understanding.

Logan smiled fondly and leaned closer to the Latino before beginning to explain again. "Okay, so if this is x..."

* * *

"_C'mon Kendy, you're so slow!" the other boy called playfully, jogging into front of the blond, turning around to see he was still a good twenty feet behind him. _

"_Oh yeah? Is that what you think?" Kendall questioned challengingly, taking off into a sprint towards the teasing brunette. _

_James squeaked in surprise and turned forward again, half-heartedly running away. The blond caught up to him in a matter of seconds, throwing his arm around his waist, picking him off the ground and spinning him away. James shrieked with laughter, clutching Kendall's arms tightly. _

_Kendall lowered James back to the ground, keeping his arms secure around his waist. James turned in this embrace, resting his forehead against Kendall's, cold breaths mingling together. "I love you." _

_Kendall brushed back James' hair, hand trailing down to rest on his neck. "I love you too."_

* * *

"That's it Carlos!" Logan exclaimed excitedly as he watched the Latino boy properly solve the problem they'd been working on for quite some time. A fond smile tugged at his lips at the accomplished look on Carlos' face.

"I did it?" he questioned, surprise and disbelief evident in his voice. "Sweet! So what's my prize?"

Logan's cheeks tinted a dark pink as he leaned over and press his lips against Carlos' cheek chastely. The Latino boy smiled, reaching over to cup Logan's rosy cheek, bringing their lips together in an extremely soft, but sweet kiss.

And it was almost possible to hear the way their heartbeats seemed to sync up in their excited, enamored states.

* * *

"_Kendall, what are you doing?"_

_The pretty boy was sitting on the lowest branch of the tallest tree in the park. His hazel eyes scanned over the park, finding such beauty in the thin layer of snow over the ground. Because of this, they were the only two residing in the park. James liked the idea of having it all to themselves. _

_He watched in interest and curiosity as Kendall pulled out his pocket knife, bringing the blade to the tree trunk. Roughly five minutes passed and James was staring at the craving Kendall engraved into the tree. JD + KK, enclosed in a heart._

"'_Til death do us part," James said softly._

_Kendall shook his head, finding that wasn't quite long enough for him. There was no doubt in his mind that he would always love James, no matter what circumstances came between them or broke them up. "Forever."_

That was still true to that very day. Eleven months later and he was still so in love with James that it was almost painful. He didn't say forever because he was scared to think about death tearing them apart; he said forever because he meant it, because he knew he would love James every single day of his life. He just hated how he had to spend the rest of those days without the other boy.

"_So I guess I'll let you get back to work. I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you and I love you."_

* * *

**A/N: I thought of this really cool linking storyline ideas and I wanted to try it. Kinda like a movie where they switch between two scenes. I hope it turned out okay and wasn't too confusing. I cried a little writing some of those Kames scenes. I apologize for those who have been waiting for this to update. I've been enamored with another story of mine so this one was unintentionally ignored. I'll try not to let that happen again. Let me know what you guys think.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N****: kinda short but I'm still pretty pleased with it. Let me know what you guys think**

* * *

The freezing cold water of his shower beat down on him, cascading down his motionless body. It wasn't the icy water, however, that made his skin numb. That responsibility went to the raw disgust settling in his gut. In that moment, more than ever before, Kendall absolutely loathed himself.

_**Stress. **__It was something he was becoming far too familiar with lately. Rumors of a potential take-over attempt were circulating and Kendall was ensuring, true or not, that it didn't happen. Which entailed long hours of strategizing and preparing his crew to guard their territory, to the death if need be. The week following the discovery of these rumors had kept Kendall busy, to say the least, in contact with his crew twenty-four seven. The impending fight left him feeling slightly overwhelmed and completely stressed. _

_The number of cigarette breaks he took throughout the day had almost tripled. He knew it was a terrible and disgusting habit and there had been countless times before where he'd tried his hardest to quit. But like any addiction, he just couldn't break it. Especially when it was the easiest way for him to relax. He promised James before this started that he would stop but after all this went down, Kendall __**needed **__them. He would only be able to resist James' puppy dog eyes for so long though. _

_He was doing damage control from home that day, observing any patterns and waiting for any signs of this possible attack. Since he was home all day, James was over, even though he knew it wouldn't be a thrilling evening. _

_James was sitting on his bed, legs crossed underneath him. He was clad in a pair of loose sweatpants and a black wife-beater, his black whole-rimmed glasses resting on the bridge of his nose. A men's fashion magazine was resting in his lap, eyes lazily scanning over it, only half-interested. He glanced up when he saw Kendall about to leave the room, staring at him expectantly. Then, he saw the cigarette tucked between Kendall's lips and sighed._

"_I really wish you'd quit," James murmured, voice making it obvious that he wasn't complaining but that he was merely concerned for his boyfriend's health._

"_I know," Kendall sighed, having heard this time after time again from the other boy, feeling increasingly guiltier each time he heard it. _

"_Why do you do it then?" the pretty boy questioned, long eyelashes batting slowly as he stared up at the blond boy. _

_Kendall shrugged, "Relaxes me." _

_A mischievous grin tweaked at James' lips as he uncrossed his legs, kneeling on the bed. He tugged his bottom lip between his teeth, eyes shining with suggestive lust. "Come here and let me __**relax**_ _you."_

_And that was an offer that Kendall just couldn't pass up. He plucked the cigarette from between his lips, tossing it aside and walking over to the bed. As James made quick work of his zipper, he couldn't help but realize that this was a much more effective relaxation technique. _

The memory had come just as unwanted as all the others but this one had brought about something different than any other memory of his boyfriend. Usually when he came back to reality, all he felt was a deep, longing ache in his chest. But this time, something much worse came about. When the memory ended, all he felt was a strong throb in his crotch.

So he did what he had always done when this situation arose. He wrapped his hand around his erection and jerked off to the image of James' lips wrapped around his length. After he came, a soft, sad cry of James' name leaving his lips, he couldn't help but feel absolutely repulsed that he had just used the memory of his dead boyfriend going down on him to get off. The pleasure coursing through his system wasn't enough to drown out the overwhelming guilt he felt. He briefly wondered if he had just hit a new low, unsure considering that he had nowhere to go but down.

* * *

Carlos could tell Kendall was depressed that Monday morning; it wasn't exactly a difficult task. Then again, his friend hardly ever seemed to be happy anymore. He couldn't say he blamed the other boy; he would be torn up too if the love of his life was killed. This didn't stop him from wishing desperately that there was something he could do to help out his friend. He hated seeing Kendall like this.

But past all this, Carlos was unable to subdue his excitement that it was Monday, which meant he would get to see Logan. True, he'd seen him on Saturday, spending almost all day at his house, working on homework then watching a few movies; but Carlos had missed not seeing Logan that Sunday. He'd sincerely missed the other boy and that was a little frightening for him. These feelings didn't exist outside of love. Carlos mentally shook his head because that was just too ridiculous.

* * *

In retrospect, Logan decided that this weekend had been the most eventful one he'd ever had. He thought that this should've been more pathetic but the smart boy didn't really care that much. The two days he had spent with Carlos over the weekend had been two of the most fun days he'd ever had. It was hard to explain but hanging out with Carlos felt so right. There was something so natural about being with the Latino. Like anything that couldn't be explained with science, this terrified him. Being around Carlos was the first time he'd ever had feelings like these and he honestly wasn't sure what to do with them.

Speak of the devil. Logan glanced up, a smile instantly gracing his features at the mere sight of the other boy. He was too happy to worry about this reaction, how happy he _instantly _became when he saw the Latino. His smile was slightly off-put at the sight of Kendall walking beside him, looking like hell, like he did most of the time.

As Carlos sat down at his table, he watched Kendall wordlessly walk off to the music room. His attention shifted back to Carlos, an unknowingly inquisitive expression on his face.

"Working on a song," Carlos answered the questioned Logan wasn't aware he was asking.

Logan nodded in understanding, deciding it would be invasive to press any farther. Some things just weren't any of his business and he had a feeling this was one of those things.

"So I really owe you one Shorty," he brought up suddenly. "The look on Anderson's face when I actually handed in my homework today was _priceless._"

This statement brought a smile to Logan's face. "You should do it more often then."

"Hey, if I get to come over every time I have math homework..." Carlos chuckled, nodding his head. "Then I'm on board."

A soft blushed tinted Logan's cheeks as he grinned, nodding in agreement. The bell rang over the intercom, signaling five minutes until their second class began. Logan made quick work of packing up his books into his backpack, slinging each strap over his shoulders. The color in his cheeks darkened when Carlos reached over and grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together. His grin was permanently etched on his face as the other boy walked him all the way to class, fingers laced together the whole time. It was the first time since coming to this school that he felt truly safe.

* * *

Logan knew that it was wrong to invade someone's privacy but he just couldn't help the curiosity and worry that surged through him when Kendall went straight to the music room again during lunch. He'd been sitting with Carlos, contently enjoying lunch with the Latino when Kendall walked by, not even sparing a second's glance at them. Logan had been involved with them long enough to know what this was about. What was more worrying than that, how closed off Kendall was acting, was how nonchalant Carlos seemed about it. It wasn't that Carlos didn't care about his friend's pain; he just seemed far too used to it.

Unable to help himself, Logan quietly excused himself from the table, following after the other boy. He pushed the door to the music room open slowly, cringing as it creaked behind him. Kendall didn't seem to notice, presumably too consumed in the music he was playing. He was sitting at the piano, fingers grazing the keys as he played a slow, sad tune. Logan's heart constricted in sympathy when the blond started singing.

_Looking at your picture from when we first met_  
_You gave me a smile that I could never forget_  
_And nothing I could do could protect me from you that night_

Within the first stanza, the first three lyrics, Logan knew that this song was for James. There was no doubt in his mind that was the case. This just made his heart ache even more. Even from the doorway, he could see the slight tremble in Kendall's fingers as he played. He noticed the tension in his shoulders, indicating just how closed-off the other boy truly was.

_Wrapped around your finger, always on my mind_  
_The days would blend 'cause we stayed up all night_  
_Yeah, you and I were everything, everything to me_

Kendall's voice was starting to falter with emotion as this point but that didn't matter; there was something so beautifully tragic about this song, these words illustrating a dead lover but an immortal love.

_I just want you to know that I've been fighting to let you go_  
_Some days I make it through and then there's nights that never end_  
_I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me_  
_But still I have to say I would do it all again_  
_Just want you to know_

As Kendall sang those last lyrics, his voice trailed off slowly, voice suddenly choking up. He smashed his fingers down onto the keys in frustration, the noise resulting mirroring his mood. Apathetic, scattered. A few moments of silence passed. Logan was just about to say something when Kendall stood up suddenly.

With a frustrated, angry, sorrowful scream, he threw the bench to the side, hands reaching up, fingernails digging into his scalp. "Fuck!"

The sudden outburst startled the smart boy, causing him to jump and emit an audible gasp. Before he could cover his mouth to stifle the sound, the other boy was spinning around, eyes locking onto him. There was no fury in Kendall's eyes, no ill feelings having caught him spying on a private moment. All that flickered in the other's emerald green eyes was pain. And in that moment, Logan didn't utter a single word because he knew there was nothing, no words he could string together, that would ever make this okay. Nothing would take away the pain of losing the love of his life. Logan knew anything he said in that moment would be useless since nothing would or ever could bring James back.


	9. Chapter 9a

_His eyes stared at the screen, unwavering, never once faltering from the video playing. While his eyes remained glued to it, his heart constricted in the pained, longing way he experienced __**at least **__once a day. The video cut off briefly, moving to the next clip. _

_This time, he was the one on screen, the scene taking place in his bedroom, his bed specifically. He was laying against the pillows, one arm tucked behind his head, clad simply in a pair of boxers. He knew exactly, before even hearing the voice, who was behind the camera. It must've taken place after one of their many love-making sessions._

_He heard James giggle softly, that modest laugh that said "Oh stop it!" in such a flirtatious way. He watched himself smile in the video and caught himself really smiling, fondly remembering exactly how he felt smiling like that. It'd been a long, long time. _

_His eyes scanned over the boy behind the camera, a smirk playing on his lips. _

"_I'm just saying," he insisted in the video, "You could __**easily **__be a porn star. With that body, those moans of yours..."_

"_Stop it!" James exclaimed in response and Kendall could hear the playfulness in his voice. "__**Seriously!**_"

"_I __**am **__being serious!" Kendall laughed._

"_I hope you realize that you're insinuating that your boyfriend fucks other guys for money." _

_Kendall watched as he sat up in the video, leaning forward, out of the camera's view. "Mmm. nope. You're __**all mine**__." _

"_Forever?"_

"_And always."_

_And then, without another word, the screen went black._

* * *

The next few days that followed went exactly as Carlos had expected. They went exactly as the past (almost) year had. Kendall was angry and distant, two emotions that Carlos was more than used to seeing on his friend. Kendall didn't say a single word to anyone, unless prompted for a necessary answer.

Carlos learned early on not to force Kendall into responding normally. He supposed there was a lot more to losing a loved one than he initially thought. It got to a point where he almost felt _guilty _about being so happy lately when Kendall was obviously so miserable.

At the same time, he couldn't help that he was so happy lately. He had someone specific to thank for that. A very special boy who hadn't been in his life long, but had already changed it so much. Because of Logan, he was attending class on a regular basis, rarely skipping any classes these days. Detention, however, wasn't completely avoided; Carlos claimed that Logan could coax him to going to class but he couldn't control what happened _during _said classes.

Though, it seemed his teachers were giving him fewer reasons to act out lately. It was probably due to the fact that he was showing up regularly _and _doing the good majority of his homework. Teachers seemed to _love _that.

The mere thought of the sweet boy had Carlos smiling to himself. _Seeing _the brunette was another story; it was another completely, one that brought, not just a smile, but an enthralled grin to his face. Carlos wondered if anything had ever made him _this _happy before. He shrugged it off; why question a good thing?

Anyone with eyes would've been able to see the way his entire face lit up when he saw Logan walking down the hall towards him. He subconsciously shifted on his feet, unknowingly antsy to see the other boy.

"Hi," Logan said shyly, a gentle smile on his lips as he raised his hand in a small wave.

"Hey shorty," he returned softly. He reached down to lace his fingers together with Logan's, smiling over at him. "Can I walk you to class?"

The smart boy bit his lip and nodded eagerly. Carlos beamed at this, pulling gently on Logan's hand as they started walking towards his class. There was no missing the anxiety that flashed over Logan's face at every single stare they received.

"Don't worry," Carlos murmured quietly to the other boy. "No one will fuck with you or I'll fuck with them."

Logan smiled, unable to help the blush that was slowly creeping onto his face. He wasn't exactly sure how to respond to that. There was something about Carlos, more than just his tattoos and rugged attitude, that made Logan feel so safe, like absolutely _nothing _could hurt him. Carlos had this way of making him feel invincible.

But he didn't think this was something to just randomly share in the hallway. All he could do was smile as they finally reached his class, stopping in front of the door. The blush returned tenfold when the Latino leaned forward, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek.

"Go," Logan demanded lightly, "You're gonna be late."

Carlos nodded with a grin, turning to wave one last time as he walked down the hallway. Logan smiled to himself, walking into class, wondering how he was ever going to focus now.

* * *

Kendall was starting to think that the amount of pull he had around town was slowly becoming self-destructive. He could have just about anything he wanted in town and it was really becoming a problem. Scaring the office aid into covering up his absence from school that day was taking it it a little too far (despite how often he had done it in the past).

But he just couldn't find the strength to leave the house that morning. This wasn't the first time this had happened. There had been far too many mornings like this to even try to keep track of them all. So instead of going to school that morning, he popped in some more videos he had of James, picking the lock to his mom's liquor cabinet. That's how he spent the entire day, drinking in hopes of washing away the guilt and sorrow he felt watching the love of his life on video. It was sad to think that's the only way he'd ever see James again, for the rest of his life.


End file.
